Block out the bad...Harness the good.

I'm trying, from the movie "Billy Madison" (Adam Sandler), to Block out the Bad and Harness the Good. I am typically a very positive person but I have this huge amount of weight on my chest and I can't seem to shake it. Last week we dealt with Addi having a 103 temp from Thurs to Saturday morning for no reason at all other than fighting something off. We spent 4 hrs at TC Thompson because after the fever broke she was screaming out in pain constantly. I'd had enough of our pediatrician telling me it was normal but for my child to be so lifeless and in pain it wasn't normal. It ended up being nothing and I am certain after I left they talked about me being a paranoid parent. I put my child through being catheterized, stuck with a needle, several insertions in places that things shouldn't be inserted and just the trauma of it all was enough to rattle my own nerves all to say she was just fighting something off. I felt horrible after putting her though all of that, even though I do feel a little better knowing its nothing. But I can't seem to shake this anxiety I'm having about our travels this weekend. We have taken weekend trips and been away from home but since having Addi when we travel I have horrible thoughts, please don't tell me I'm the only one that does this b/c I know its morbid. I can't seem to get rid of the anxiety of Josh and I flying together and being gone for 5 nights away from her. I've never had anxiety so I'm struggling here. I'm incredibly busy at work this week so knowing I'll be gone for 4 days next week just adds to it. The conference itself it a tad overwhelming too. The fact that I will be lobbying on Capital Hill - meeting with Senators, Govenors, etc with folks that probably could be my grandparents or parents is somewhat intimdating & not to sound all big and mighty but honestly I just don't get intimated much. Its all hitting me at once and I'm trying to process it all, except its not working. I don't have a normal general physician - just called my ob to see if I could talk to her about the anxiety and she retired....um, don't you think that would have been something worthy of a letter going out? So I'm kind of stuck not knowing who to turn to or what doctor to lean on next. I'd definitely take some referrals on who you all use for your ob or general physician. Oh, and add to the fact that my sitter is off on Wed & Thurs and I can't hardly take two days off this week and 4 next so just not sure where to go for that one either. (she certainly deserves those days as well but seeing that Addi was out Thurs & Fri last week I just found that out so not much time to plan). I'm praying hard that this feeling leaves, I'm just not used to such a feeling and well it plain ol' sucks.

And well while I'm on the pity party - we had to miss Baby Maddox's 1st birthday party. For those that know our best friends Jeremy & Starla you know that the thought of a baby Maddox was slim to none. They just knew they never wanted children.....and then that changed and we were so thrilled it did, especially after knowing the love of Addi that we felt. I couldn't imagine some of our best friends not knowing that love too. Maddox goes to the same sitter so its destined that he and Addi will have a friendship, if not a pre-arranged marriage...ha. She talks about him non-stop. It really broke my heart that we were not able to be there for such a special day.

We did however manage to have 20 minutes of a little outside fun, it was already scheduled & Addi seemed to be doing just fine. No fever, no grunting, but still a little grouchy. Meg, a good friend and photographer was taking pics at Heritage Park with rabbits and duckies from Noah's Little Ark for Easter pics. Here are just some of her prancing around the park afterwards. Thanks Meg - can't wait to see them and it was so good to see that precious Madyson!!

Why am I OCD??

Nothing to blog about lately....seems kind of sad, makes me realize I've not been taking pics. Very, very unusual for me. I did however book Addison's birthday party today which is 3 months away and it makes me wonder why am I so OCD? Not about everything, weird things really. Mom says its more anal not OCD, which could be true. Josh seems to think that I'm more of a Varuca Salt girl (if you do not know who that is then google it....and your un-American!)
When I think of the things I want I am very much a want it now, do it now kind of person. I'm trying to be a bit more relaxed about those things but it never seems to work. I'm seriously praying about it.
Anyway. Summer birthdays are tough because I don't want to do swimming parties every year or better yet I'd like to keep the check book in line. Its always hot and things like the Creative Discovery Museum & Partyville's seem a little too old for her right now to really enjoy. Maybe I'm wrong, especially after I think about the flips off the couch she was doing last night. I did look into a birthday party at the Zoo and hit the jackpot. Mainly because they have a 9:30-11:30 time slot that is perfect for my afternoon napper & perfect because the animals are more active in the morning time as well as the summer heat isn't at its peak at 9:30 in the morning. I was very pleased with the price for what they do for you & provide so its final...Sat 6/20 @ 9:30. Plus if you are a member, which we are its even cheaper!!! I sometimes can't believe we have an almost 2 yr old...then I remember the attitude and its relatively clear to me!

Concerned

Since Wednesday Addi has thrown up over & over.....and should I mention ALL over me, her car seats, her rocker, the new carpet downstairs....everywhere. I'm a bit concerned so we'll be going to the doctor today. I'm not usually one that worries so much but this is just so odd. She's ran no fever, only had 2 diapers with diarrhea and acts just fine. Yesterday for instance, we went to the UTC softball game, went to dinner at Outback and then got home and had been playing. She got in trouble for something so after her "talking to" she and I went to sit in the rocking chair in her room. She laid her head down on me, got quiet and then proceeded to reinact an exorcist movie and projectile vomit all over me, the glider and herself.
This started on Wednesday & the sitter assumed it was a virus. She threw up 3 times at her house, still no fever, no diarrhea. Thurs & Fri she was home with Josh & threw up a couple of times. Saturday I threw a baby shower, had all intentions of taking Addi with me but she went down for a nap earlier than usual so no time to get her ready as she was waking up when we were leaving. Josh called me towards the end of the shower to tell me she'd thrown up 3 more times. I'm not talking a little spit up - I'm talking full throttle puking. Sunday I already mentioned above...more puking. I'm just concerned this is no stomach bug. If it is its the kind I'd like to have b/c she's sleeping fine, acting fine but her eating isn't the same and well consistantly vomitting is no way to live. We go to doc at 4:30 today so we shall see. Let's pray its nothing but a fluke. At this point I'd take knowing it was a crazy virus and be happy with that.