Block out the bad...Harness the good.

I'm trying, from the movie "Billy Madison" (Adam Sandler), to Block out the Bad and Harness the Good. I am typically a very positive person but I have this huge amount of weight on my chest and I can't seem to shake it. Last week we dealt with Addi having a 103 temp from Thurs to Saturday morning for no reason at all other than fighting something off. We spent 4 hrs at TC Thompson because after the fever broke she was screaming out in pain constantly. I'd had enough of our pediatrician telling me it was normal but for my child to be so lifeless and in pain it wasn't normal. It ended up being nothing and I am certain after I left they talked about me being a paranoid parent. I put my child through being catheterized, stuck with a needle, several insertions in places that things shouldn't be inserted and just the trauma of it all was enough to rattle my own nerves all to say she was just fighting something off. I felt horrible after putting her though all of that, even though I do feel a little better knowing its nothing. But I can't seem to shake this anxiety I'm having about our travels this weekend. We have taken weekend trips and been away from home but since having Addi when we travel I have horrible thoughts, please don't tell me I'm the only one that does this b/c I know its morbid. I can't seem to get rid of the anxiety of Josh and I flying together and being gone for 5 nights away from her. I've never had anxiety so I'm struggling here. I'm incredibly busy at work this week so knowing I'll be gone for 4 days next week just adds to it. The conference itself it a tad overwhelming too. The fact that I will be lobbying on Capital Hill - meeting with Senators, Govenors, etc with folks that probably could be my grandparents or parents is somewhat intimdating & not to sound all big and mighty but honestly I just don't get intimated much. Its all hitting me at once and I'm trying to process it all, except its not working. I don't have a normal general physician - just called my ob to see if I could talk to her about the anxiety and she retired....um, don't you think that would have been something worthy of a letter going out? So I'm kind of stuck not knowing who to turn to or what doctor to lean on next. I'd definitely take some referrals on who you all use for your ob or general physician. Oh, and add to the fact that my sitter is off on Wed & Thurs and I can't hardly take two days off this week and 4 next so just not sure where to go for that one either. (she certainly deserves those days as well but seeing that Addi was out Thurs & Fri last week I just found that out so not much time to plan). I'm praying hard that this feeling leaves, I'm just not used to such a feeling and well it plain ol' sucks.

And well while I'm on the pity party - we had to miss Baby Maddox's 1st birthday party. For those that know our best friends Jeremy & Starla you know that the thought of a baby Maddox was slim to none. They just knew they never wanted children.....and then that changed and we were so thrilled it did, especially after knowing the love of Addi that we felt. I couldn't imagine some of our best friends not knowing that love too. Maddox goes to the same sitter so its destined that he and Addi will have a friendship, if not a pre-arranged marriage...ha. She talks about him non-stop. It really broke my heart that we were not able to be there for such a special day.

We did however manage to have 20 minutes of a little outside fun, it was already scheduled & Addi seemed to be doing just fine. No fever, no grunting, but still a little grouchy. Meg, a good friend and photographer was taking pics at Heritage Park with rabbits and duckies from Noah's Little Ark for Easter pics. Here are just some of her prancing around the park afterwards. Thanks Meg - can't wait to see them and it was so good to see that precious Madyson!!