Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. ~Author Unknown

So this past week was a big week for me, in the perspective of years that is. I turned 30 whether I wanted to or not. I chose to go ahead with it. People keep asking me am I ok with it. Well for one do I have a choice? Uh, no but I do have a choice in how I perceive this "milestone" of a birthday. I wouldn't consider it a milestone as I think each year that I'm healthy enough to make it to see another birthday is in itself a milestone. I'm happy to turn 30. I feel like I'm starting a new chapter or heck even a whole new book in a way. I've never felt better - spiritually, physically & emotionally. I'm learning new things about me every day....some things I don't like, those I'm working on and other things I love - I do love me. That may sound so conceited and I don't mean it that way at all. I learned from Susan to learn to love me first, b/c if I love me then I'm willing to love others whole heartedly and I know that I'm worthy of being loved. And man.....am I ever loved. From the minute I put my foot on the ground that morning it was nothing but thoughtfulness all day long. I got some of the cutest gifts from wine glasses & stationaries to what some like most....$$$ & gift cards. I was told repeatedly how much I was loved, appreciated and thought of. There are so many people that continue to show me just how much I'm loved. My husband for one - forked over his wallet to Starla, Britt & Meg so that I could have a party I'd never forget. Every single detail of my birthday was so special. Mom made sure I had the oohhh la la boots I'd been wanting - Addi told me over and over Happy Birthday Mommy in the sweetest singing voice ALL day long. We had Formosa for dinner, yummy! I had one of the best cakes that Publix makes from the office. Seriously folks this cake was to die for. Its one of their signature desserts.

People were so thoughtful in the gifts they gave, which were so not even needed or expected. I'm just so blessed. Meghan designed the most adorable invitations & Starla made sure that I had the cutest of cute cakes for the party....and from what I hear my hubby was a champ b/c it wasn't cheap!!! And well probably the most favorite and most thoughtful gift.....Britt apparently had emailed folks asking for their addresses, most of the invite list actually. She sent them a letter which included a self addressed envelope & colored construction paper. Each person was to write down as many memories on separate sheets that they had that included me & them - they sent them back to her prior to the party. She put all of those memories into a "memory box" for me which was also on the cake table at my party for others who didn't get to participate with the mailing. When I opened the first piece of paper that read "I will never forget going ring shopping and planning the proposal for Starla" - Jeremy Painter....well I started crying.

There were memories from Jr High, memories from high school, college, maternity days, and so very recent days......it was so incredibly thoughtful. I have literally read them over & over & over. Some are so hilarious that I laugh out loud and some....well, some are like "memoirs of Marilyn Monroe", that is they will be taken to the grave. ha! If you know me well then you know that this gift meant more to me than any thing with a price tag. I have so many people that I love and to hear what our relationships with each other meant to them is truly priceless.

I feel like although I know there will be hardships to face, whether its death, the roller coaster of marriage, parenting, that I'm blessed and I love my life & everyone in it. I'm blessed with a husband who respects & loves me and a daughter that is healthy & makes me smile a smile no one else can.

So I say to the question of "how do you feel about turning 30?".......Bring on the Memories!

Paul said it would be like this.

Our road at 4:15 on Friday 1/29

Being silly girls

Cutest snow angel ever!

We all know that we all give the weather men grief throughout the year. They, unlike most of us, can completely foul up a prediction yet still keep their job. :) Its actually comical. And even though Paul did say we would be getting snow I'm pretty sure they missed how quickly it would arrive and they certainly missed predicting how much we would get. Predictions said 3-6 inches in the higher elevations. This is how those predictions affected the Lewis'.

I had attended a meeting up on BCBS' Cameron Hill Campus. Around 11:30 when the meeting was over I called to check in with the office since Sandra & Kim were supposed to come downtown & we were going to take Dianne to lunch. Kim was being told school's were letting out so that put a nix in our lunch plans since she needed to get her kids. It really worked out b/c I headed on into the office thinking that since I'd already been gone all morning I'd just work through lunch. We leave at 4 on Friday's anyway & I can assure you I have plenty of snacks in my desk. Sometimes a handful of teddy grahams or half a box of wheat thins later I get through a crisis...ha! Anyway back on track here....Sandra ran to get her some lunch and was literally going across the street, she called and said, "look outside" it was really coming down. Jeff came by and said just use your discretion. You know where you need to go and how long it will take. I knew I needed to go to the grocery....uhhhh yea. I mean we didn't have juice, milk, anything for Addi to eat so I knew I HAD to go. By the time I got to the Bi-lo in Hixson the grounds were covered, about 45 minutes later Josh calls to say the rr had called overtime & he was going in. I said "Really?? Have you looked outside?" He was like uhhh no I'm still in bed and then he says "oh...guess I better tell them I'm not coming." He went to get Addi and we all worked to get home. It was pretty slick and by the time I got to Highwater traffic was backed up to 27, two cars were in the ditches and we were sliding when we stopped. It took 13 minutes to get from 27 to Dayton Pk....probably not even the distance of a football field, maybe. We made it home and got a good play in the snow. By 7:00 that evening we had over 7 inches on our back deck. It was crazy how fast it was coming down and for how long. Addi was loving it and we got an extra night with Daddy!!! :)

Around 2 the next morning we lost power. It did not come back on until 9:45 that night. We didn't stick around to wait on it though. Fortunately for us we are loved! We packed up a ton of snacks (I mean I was at the grocery so might as well prepare for it!!) and got super comfy and we headed to Jeremy & Starla's. The kids played hard and we laughed hard. Its wonderful having such good friends to take care of us.

And while I thought it was beautiful andI'm glad Addi has seen it - done it I'm good with the snow now, I'm ready for spring. Yea alot of good you were Punxsutawney Phil!!

God Bless the Broken Road.....That Led me straight to YOU!

That song, by Selah, has been just about the only thing other than praying that has brought me any comfort lately.

I will apologize now if this post goes all over the place, that is just where my heart is, and honestly I'm not even certain I'm ready to blog about it but I'm gonna try.

December 22, 2009.

I got up like any normal day, got ready for work but had planned my day a little differently. Our office was having our Christmas Luncheon at Public House, a new restaurant downtown (which I highly recommend). I knew that I would enjoy a glass of wine or two so we had planned for Mom to take me to work then Josh & Addi would pick me up from the restaurant so that I could enjoy the lunch w/wine and not be on the road, that right there is incredibly ironic in itself for the turn of events that took place. We were leaving for Christmas in Knoxville from there. Josh got home before we had left that morning and mentioned that as he drove by 4th street that a pedestrian was struck. Call it intuition or whatever but at that point I got the sickest feeling in my stomach & couldn't get this person off my mind. I prayed the whole way to work for this person. Work is ridiculously busy so I immediately went to working away when I got a text from my s-i-l that read, "Did you hear about Susan's accident?", I logged onto facebook right then and had a message in my inbox from my old Team Leader from Unum, Tonya, that read something to the extent of how it was the only way she knew to contact me but gave me details and that Susan WAS the pedestrian struck. She was in surgery and that was all we knew at that point. I was in a bit of shock, I just didn't really believe this was going on. I'd read what the online reports were saying about a car-jacking then hit and run. Sick to my stomach really just doesn't explain it.

I was packing up my things getting ready to leave the office when Tonya called and I swear to you time stopped. I still have such a weird feeling that time really is still going at a turtle's pace. Her words still ring in my ear "Andrea" and there was just silence.... "Susan died." I rode to the luncheon with my boss in silence - I sat at the table, in as much silence as I could without being the "party pooper" of the bunch but my heart was & still is broken. Broken, broken, broken, broken.

So that takes us back to 2002 when I met a broken Susan Parker. I had not been at Unum long when Susan came back to work. At this time in her life her husband had left her and she was now a single mom caring for two young children. I believe Rachel was 5 and Brody 2 or 3. Keep in mind I was straight off the Lifeguard stand, a young 22 yr old who just had her first real corporate job in an entry level position. Cube world ring a bell? She was devastated. Her husband left & now she was having to leave her children to make a living and provide for them. And let me just say, she wasn't afraid to tell you all about it and in the midst of a story would burst into tears. I kept thinking how in the world am I supposed to sit here and get my work done when this woman is telling everyone everything and jeesh, can't keep it together at that. She was broken. She was attending a divorce care class at church and coming closer and closer to God. She & I became closer & closer as well. She was a friend I never knew I needed....God sure did though. Over the next few years we were attached at the hip. We went for breakfast, lunch and just strolls around the common area when we needed a break. During early spring and early fall we would leave Unum and walk down to the Walking Bridge and back for a breath of fresh air. We'd take in the birds chirping, the foliage, and all the people. Ohhhh how she LOVED fall. We shared many secrets, laughs, lunch picnics right on the lawn of Unum and even shared many tears but she was someone I knew was a forever friend. And as our friendship grew so did her love for the Lord. I watched a very dependent woman turn into someone who was standing on her own two feet and providing for two beautiful children all the while. And as she became more and more independent she grew that much closer to her Father. He knew all along what, or should I say whom, she needed. Insert Matt Wood. Matt & Susan knew each other from school & he now worked in the IT dept at Unum. They chatted occassionally but in Susan's eyes it was only friendly conversation. And low and behold he went and did something that I'm sure for a second, maybe a mili-second he wished he'd thought twice about.....he asked her out on a date. Now, if you knew Susan you know she spoke her mind and boy did she let him have it. "Didn't he know" she was a single mom of two kids, very much disliking men (YES ALL OF THEM), struggling to make ends meet, yada, yada, yada. Needless to say I'm sure he was like yikes. But you know what...God sent him again, and he asked again....AND she said yes. The rest my friends is history. Beautiful history I should say. He proved to her that they aren't all the same - they courted just like high school kids. They truly could make one sick, ha but in the most loving of ways. They went on a date to the wedding of Josh Lewis & Andrea Smith 2 months into their relationship where Matt caught the garter and Susan fought like crazy but didn't catch the bouquet. In November 2004 they married. She was the most beautiful bride and he was the most smitten groom. Brody hid under his mom's dress and Rachel gazed up at them as if she were watching Cinderella & her Prince.

Although I left Unum in January of 2005 my friendship with Susan only grew stronger. She saw me through a lot of difficulties during 2006 but was right there with daily devotions through email and phone. We met monthly at Sticky Fingers to catch up - I'd come walking down the street and see that smile blocks away, and then hear "Smith get over here and hug me." Even after I married she still called me Smith.

I was thrilled when her family joined DBBC because I knew I would not only get to see her once a week but more importantly I was getting to sing praises to the Lord with her. And I still got one of her hugs once a week too. She would always go on and on about how beautiful my family is, how great I looked or what a wonderful man I had but it was just fluff - she was genuine, she was my friend and she is gone.

We sat in the court room on January 12th and had to not only see the young man responsible but we listened to the horrific details of what happened on December 23, 2009. Horrific, unimaginable, wrong, callous.....details that weren't just the result of an accident but more a result of irresponsibility & lack of respect. It was one thing for this to happen but as most of you have seen the gentleman responsible had not only been drinking from the hours of around 3am-7am but after he struck Susan he never stopped - never hit his breaks or never even slowed down. Instead, and I understand scared, he fabricated a story that he had been carjacked - that he was the victim in this. Obviously the police did their job & it too many inconsistancies led them to what really happened. He was drinking & driving, killed a mother, a wife, sister, daughter & friend and NEVER once thought twice about stopping. It was later revealed that not only did he kill Susan he was on the phone with a friend when it happened, told her "I think I just hit somebody" and later called her back to say "Remember that conversation we had, well forget about it - it never happened...its been taken care of."

I can't imagine the strength and courage it took for a friend of this man to stand up there, only 1 person in between them and testify to all of that. She, unlike this young man, has a conscious. I thank her for that.

Although his attorney fought to keep him out of jail and the bail at a minimum cost the Judge felt no remorse. As she looked around the court room which was packed full of family members, friends, and co-workers she saw our pain and justice for the time being was served. He was taken immediately into custody and his bail doubled to $360,000. Justice WAS served.....but the pain hasn't gone away. I'm not certain that it will. Its not black and white here. This isn't over, and in fact its really only begun. There have been articles on the Chattanoogan, the news has reported it all over the TV, Unum is having a celebration of Susan's life & in fact they are now going to give an award in her name to an employee that shows the same characteristics that Susan showed every day - even to complete strangers. But you know.....the pain is still there.

Although I had everything to be thankful during the holidays they were tough. I had a hard time not just wanting to crawl into bed, cover my head and sob....and actually I did just that several times.

And all the while I'm thinking of the Wood & Berry families as a christian and well as someone who has a heart so full of compassion my heart breaks for this man's family. Its obvious with looking at records and hearing about his past that this young man was no stranger to the law. A DUI here, public drunk there, aggravatted assualt and well a list that isn't all that long but a list that is compiled of laws that were broken and who knows - if he'd paid for his actions earlier in life Susan may be here. And again, as a Christian I know that 1. Susan was ready, she never missed a day or opportunity to tell someone how ready she was to meet her Father & 2. God chose her to spend eternity with Him, it was her time. At some point though this family will need to learn that they are no longer responsible for him or the decisions he makes. They must stop trying to "help" by bailing him out, providing $ etc. At some point they are going to have to turn their backs physically but drop to their knees and pray for him & pray for tough love. They didn't get to say good bye to their son that morning, he was immediately handcuffed and taken away so yeah they'll have to visit him in jail to see him but they can.....we didn't get to say goodbye to Susan but the difference is we must visit her memory at the cemetary.

I'm thankful I no longer work at Unum - I honestly do not know how I would walk past a memorial that has been placed by her family when I haven't even been able to drive down 4th street. I've taken every route I can just to ensure I don't have to see it yet. Silly but just my own grieving I suppose.

Susan's birthday was the 19th this month, just two days after Josh & my 6 yr anniversary. Matt had commented on facebook about remembering our wedding day, how fun it was and how that was one of their first "dates" as a real couple. Its a day that I will cherish forever because Susan taught me to appreciate things in so many different ways. I know that she knew I loved her, that I was grateful for her friendship but my heart is now broken over and over again when I walk into church and see Matt with no Susan. We are all leaning on our God heavily and in all honesty that is exactly what Susan would want. And although we miss her I do know that if her death brings JUST ONE person closer to God, well.....she wouldn't have it any other way.

Christmas 2009

Yea, nice original title to what else, Christmas!! I love Christmas, always have but now that I'm a mom the "festivities" of Christmas have gotten so fun. We did Elf on a Shelf, we made gingerbread houses, we went to look at lights 3-4 nights a week, we ran here and there and exhausted ourselves to the max. The end result was one spoiled rotten but ecstatic little girl at each and every place we were. I'm so thankful that I got to spend the time with family and friends that I did during Christmas but my heart was heavy, and well to be honesty still is. But that is another post worthy of its own. To recap Christmas.....

12/23 Office Party Luncheon at Public House - 12:30 PM

12/23 Drive to Knoxville

12/24 Christmas Eve in Knoxville with my family 6:00 - 9:00 (drive home and arrive by 11:30)

12/24 Santa needed a little help from us putting together some things that he'd left Addi. But here is the thing - Santa doesn't deliver until Christmas Eve night so that left daddy putting together a My 1st Kenmore Refrigerator and Stove until 3:00 AM!

12/25 6:30 AM (Yeah...we got an extra 30 minutes sleep from the typical 6AM'er) Addi was in awe of her refrigerator and stove and all the utencils, food prep, vegetables, fruits, pots and pans that she just didn't really know what to say. She just stood there looking and said - "Is this for ME?" and then it was on! She made more cakes in 30 minutes than Rachel Ray can make a meal.

12/25 Lewis Family Lunch - 1:00. Robin & Eric were kind enough to host this year and its always a good time with the Lewis'. You never know what we'll be talking about or who we'll be laughing at....this year it was Campbell and his leather jacket Zoolander immitations.

12/26 Christmas with Grammy & Papaw & the Coffelts. And of course Addi is spoiled rotten even more. She got the cutest, (gulp.....,) cheerleader doll from Anne, Allen and the boys. Its hilarious with doing its cheers and all, Addi even got an (EVEN BIGGER GULP) adorable cheerlearder outfit to wear and cheer with her doll. They are really trying to turn my girl into a "girly girl" aren't they? :)

We were busy non-stop for days but it was nice to be with family and friends and celebrate the true meaning of CHRISTmas. I hate that my heart was sad b/c I feel like I barely muddled through and just got by although I was very thankful for everyone, for the gifts they got for Addi and for us. We are truly blessed.

It's the most Wonderful (BUSY) time of the Year!!

Addi with Chanda Bell, author of Elf on a Shelf, at the book signing.

Santa & Addi 2009, she didn't want to leave him!

Attempts at a Christmas Card for Grammy & Papaw

Trying to be JUST like her cousins

Gingerbread House making '09

What??? How did that Efl-ette get on there?


Ready for Nana's

Being reminded that her "elf" is still watching the 'tude!!

Early Birds....

Its no secret that in our home sleeping past 6:30, if you're lucky is unheard of. In fact, I'm usually greated at 6am with two questions...."What are we going to do pun (fun) today momma" & "May I have some milk please." So after the initial search for Cat, our elf that is still being called Cat, I'm hoping we move past that name soon. Anyway, we bundled up in long johns, golashesh, 'boggans, gloves and puffy coats and we headed out to play. It was so fun playing with Addi in her first snow. Daddy was gone on a 4wheeling tree to Brimstone, AND from what he has said its not any reference to Shrek or the smell as they are looking for the dragon while rescuing the princess. So back to the point....we had a little incident with the snowman. Of course it was the tiniest of snowmen anyway but we were attempting to put him on the back porch in hopes to save him for a few more hours well it didnt make it - well it did make a huge mess as it splattered on the floor. Needless to say we got a little laugh out of it. So we cleaned up our mess, came in to change into warm, dry clothes and began making soup, cornbread & a cake. We even attempted home made icing which we made purple with a little learning involved as well in mixing colors...a little red & blue make purple. Never miss those teaching moments, right?! It ended up looking like a huge donut with all the sprinkles we had on it but it was still yummy!

Grazie....Merci.....Gracias!

No matter what language you gave "Thanks" in the one word just doesn't seem like a big enough word to use for the many blessings in my life for which I give thanks. For those that know the Lewis family you know that it isn't a small one. I know I've said numerous times how lucky I am to have married into such a loving immediate family but even the extended Lewis family is one to be grateful for. Since I started coming around these gatherings some 12 years ago not a thing has changed, well other than hairstyles, # in families, and the amount of food we now have to bring. We counted 55 family members present & can not thank Gary & Stephanie enough for hosting such a crowd. They have a chalk board in their kitchen that the girls had drawn a huge tree on with the word THANKFUL written above. They had leaves cut out for us to tape to the branches on exactly what we were thankful for.....some were silly & some were heartfelt but more importantly we enjoyed a lot of quality family time. From 5 siblings they have 10 children plus 10 spouses and in all of that you have over 20 grandchildren that were running in/out of the barn collecting eggs, roasting smores over the campfire, jumping on the trampoline, riding scooters, and just being "kids" as Granny Lewis used to say. I'm thankful that my child doesn't run and hide when we walk into a gathering this large and LOUD - that she is content following the big girls around and I'm able to catch up with some other Lewis ladies that we don't get to chit chat with that much.

Yes, my child rolling in the grass to play with a dog!

We actually did not travel to Knoxville this year as we typically do but instead headed down to Blairsville, GA to visit with my MIL's brother and his family. Our visits to Blairsville are always minimal throughout the year so it was nice to have a day to get to visit with cousins & 2nd cousins on the Hunter side of the family. As you can see in a few pics - Josh's height definitely doesn't come from the Lewis'. :)

Here is to kicking off the Holiday Season from our family to yours!!!