Calgon TAKE me (far) Away.

I am not certain that I've been this sleep deprived since I was a distributor for the dairy farm in our home, what almost 2 years ago. I need sleep, good sleep, un-interrupted sleep. The kind of sleep that when you wake up you aren't giving everyone the evil eye for no reason at all. Its tough when your hubby works 3rd shift - I mean yes I still have help - but I'm the mom ya know. Addi is in an odd funk....she is sleeping horribly and I don't understand it. I'd like to chalk it up to maybe molars or even just more teeth but for the past 2 weeks off and on the sleeping has gotten way off track. This past week was even worse and then it started again last night. From day one I've been a "cry it out mom." Is it bothersome? Yes. Do I like to hear her crying? No...but for us it worked. She'd cry for a little bit and then realize we weren't coming back and go to sleep. She goes down at 8:00 and is usually up between 6:15 - 6:45. Just like her momma being an early bird but this is getting out of hand, and honestly I feel like I'm about to lose it. She's screaming around 1-2 am. If I go in there she wants to rock, so we rock and immediately she's out but as soon as I try to lay her down its death grip and not letting go, the screaming starts again. Maybe its just something we are going through but honestly I'm frazzled. I've been taking her to bed with me if I've gotten no where by 3 and that is even worse. Again never have we let her sleep with us (other than when she's been sickly and that is how we all managed to get any sleep), just wasn't an option with us but at some point some sleep is better than none - and honestly sleeping with a kid is ridiculous. They hog the bed, root and slap in the face (not intentionally). I'm so sleep deprived that I feel like I could cry at any moment - just frazzled I tell ya. And trying to get up, get a shower and be on time to work is a whole different story. Temper tantrums don't even begin to explain the maniac I'm dealing with in the mornings. I'm just so caught off guard at where all is this coming from - any advice is welcomed NOW. Its just not the way I like to start my mornings - weeks for that matter. I know terrible two's are around the corner but what do I do with these fits. I've been ignoring her when she starts it and then she goes and mid fit hits her head on a wall, not intentionally its just a result of the drama. No blood, we're good - I continue to ignore. I know she isn't going to be perfect or even good all the time for that matter but this is wearing me out. It doesn't help that daddy comes home in the morning and starts playing matador with her running at his blankie and all is fine. Kind of like I've been making it all up....thanks Addi, now Daddy thinks I'm crazy too - ha!
I kind of would just like to know I'm not alone here. Please throw me a life saver or at this point a xanax would do just fine. Jk.....I'm trying to find humor in the midst of my delirium.

Grow Old Along With Me

"Grow Old Along With Me" are the words written on a pillow we have in our living room...its also the song my sister in law sang at our wedding 5 yrs ago (Saturday, the 17th). To say I've married my soul mate may sound cheasy but its so true. Josh & I are so alike yet so incredibly different. To think when I met him at the age of 17 that we'd be together this day still getting along, actually probably better is the most incredible feeling ever. He keeps me grounded, we finish each other's sentences, we start sentences at the same time, we buy the same cards for anniversaries......we love each other. Not just love but I really still feel in love with him. I know I come home to a man that loves me - a man that treats me with such respect - a man that loves his family. To say we don't have tough times wouldn't be a real marriage. We disagree, he aggrivates me and I know that my need it done now attitude wears on his nerves but he doesn't show it. Josh is the most laid back, easy going guy that is so understanding, so loving and very affectionate, which isn't always the case for men. I love thinking back to the day we married - I remember walking down the aisle with tears in my eyes thinking that the fairy tale came true which was something I never felt I deserved. The family I inherited is incredible and Josh is so loved by my family. Our wedding was more than a girl could dream of - knowing I was saying I do, going into this committment with someone who was just as committed as I was is a blessing from God. We spent the evening with a few hundred of our closest friends and family with a party that was so memorable. I could have never asked for anything better.

We left Friday night after Sesame Street to go to Gatlinburg with Britt & Andrew. It was a great way to spend our anniversary. We went on a 3.5 hr hike to Rainbow Falls seeing snow, ice and deer. It was rather cold but we were definitely in the zone hiking.....we had dinner in that night because we were exhausted. We are so lucky to have such great friends that not only watched us marry but new friends that we share in special memories such as anniversaries with. Thanks to the Smith's for inviting us to get away when we really wanted and needed it. To say I'm blessed doesn't begin to describe how lucky of a woman, a wife, a mom I feel I am. I can't wait to see what the next 5 yrs brings us.

Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street?

(Sorry for a side ways video - one day I'll learn you can rotate video's)

To say the girls had a good time at Sesame Stree Live is well, just an understatement. Christy found them cute outfits and had made both the girls bows to match. Arden was excited to get to watch Shrek on the way to see the real live movie. :) I told Josh this morning that I almost got teary eyed when both girls got so excited when all the characters first came out singing the "How to get to Sesame Street" theme song. Just to see Addi so excited and dancing and just watching that sweet reaction was priceless. It really makes being a mom so fun. I love that little grin so much. The program was great, we even bought an overly priced Elmo doll. Anytime Elmo left the stage Addi asked "where elmo go?". Such a great evening with great friends!!

Eating dinner before the show at Christy's.

Us girls during the break.

Having a "nack" (snack)

Cheeeeesssseeee!

How Much is that Doggy in the Window

Poor dog...First she get put outside after living as an inside "puppy" for over 7 years when this new "creature" started crawling. Sorry but I just couldn't handled dog hair all over baby clothes. But now here it is frigid out & she gets the luxury of coming inside only to be aggrivated by a crumb crunching maniac that from the time she lays her head down to the second she wakes up saying "Hi Zoe" "I see Zoe" "Where's Zoe". If any of you are like my aunt you fear for Addi's life when you see this "puppy" but she's so mild mannered and very sweet to be a 100+ lb rottweiler, yes that is correct. Zoe lets her crawl, hug & kiss all over her...even last night she climbed on top of her like she was riding a horse. I definitely drew the line there! Poor dog though, she just wants to come in the warmth and isn't left alone except from the hours of 8pm until 6:30 am!

Answered Prayers

I just got off the phone with Sandra….DiAnne is currently having a chest x-ray done to ensure that even though nothing was found on the CT Scan that the chest x-ray itself is clear as well. However here is what will happen within the next few days….WONDERFUL, INCREDIBLE and nothing but GREAT news from this visit. They were very comfortable with this Doctor and very much feel that he is the right one to do surgery on Wednesday at Memorial. NO RADIATION, NO CHEMO will be done prior to surgery, yes you read that correctly. He’s even hopeful but not promising that it can be lapro-scopically and also very hopeful that no colostomy bag will be needed either. He feels he can go in to where the mass is, its in a fold right at the base of where the rectum and colon meet. She will be in the hospital anywhere from 4-10 days. This is truly incredible news!!!
Thank you for all of the prayers - please keep them coming!

Sister

Please pray for "Sister".

DiAnne (my boss's sister & a lady I used to work with) went in yesterday for a colonoscopy as it was recommended at her age. Actually it was recommended a few years ago but honestly I think her stubborn-ness may have saved her life. You see if you have a colonoscopy & everything checks out fine another isn't recommended for 5-10 years, so this could have gone undiagnosed. At this moment she is having bloodwork, a CT Scan and several other tests ran to confirm what the doctor's believe they saw on the films from the colonoscopy. Cancer. She's scared to death, Sandra is scared to death, I am scared to death. Other than their husbands they are the only family each other have. Neither of them have ever had children. When I had Addi and asked Dianne if she wanted to hold her she said, "Yes, but I need to sit down for this!" I love this woman like family so please just pray that this has been caught early, that surgery can be done to remove the cancer and for a speedy recovery for her. Sandra & I left to meet Dianne at the imaging center at noon, she drank her yummy drink and we sat there with her until she had to go back for the CT scan. I needed to come back to the office and hold the fort down so I'm just waiting to hear what is going on.

DiAnne holding Addi for the first time.

This is from my baby shower that the sisters threw for me.

********************************* UPDATE**************************** 1/12/09

The mass is at the end of the rectum, about 6-8 inches in diameter…YES you read that correctly, from the base of my hand to the end of my bird finger (obviously I have long fingers) is 7 inches so you can only imagine. Two cancer hospitals recommended with Vandy being on of those SO that is a huge blessing too that she’s not going to have to go far away. They want to try to shrink the tumor as much as possible first through radiation in order to make the removing the mass via surgery easier. The main point is she will be alive & she will beat this. The CT scan did not show any spreading to any other areas another BLESSING. All in all this is WONDERFUL news however we all know Dianne is not a vain person but a prissy person and loves her hair, make up etc so this is difficult on her just thinking she could lose her hair. But again people LIVE bald, LIVE with wigs – the main fact is that she will BEAT this and will LIVE!!! She is being referred to a Dr. Stanley who is an oncologist here in Chattanooga whom I believe was on the call between DiAnne and her physician. This appt should be scheduled soon.
Keep Sister in your prayers and Sis as well. You all know she is more than just a boss to me, more like a 3rd mom and it breaks my heart to see her so worried, trying to be the strong one that she claims to be. We all fear those words but in all honesty DiAnne’s life has probably been saved with this routine exam.

Addi's 18 Month Pics

Master Portraits continues to amaze me. We had these taken on Saturday 12/20 @ noon & we got them in the mail on Tues 12/23!!! Addi didnt want to sit still but from the pics you would never know. We also had pics of all the "grands" since we were keeping the boys as a gift to Grammy & Papaw. I couldn't resist asking them to do the mailbox again to compare the change of pudge to a delicate little girl, I use the term delicate lightly but a mom can wish, huh?

Move over '08....Here comes '09!

Ready or not 2009 is here. NYE was very low key for us & I couldn't have asked for anything more. We had dinner @ Hennen's which was most excellent & headed back to Jeremy & Starla's to ring in the New Year Wii style. We were in bed by 12:14 (and it was great!)
"Resolutions", no....Modifications, YES! I just hate to set these goals only to fail at them. Maybe its not really failing at them but its putting a lot of emphasis in numbers on a scale, the number of outgoing bills, etc. We do have certain goals we want to reach this year & honestly they aren't too far from last years so really, why do that to myself?
I am trying to promise myself that I'm not trying to lose weight to be skinny. What I would like to acheive is a healthy eating lifestyle. Not only for me but Josh & Addi. Its not that we don't eat healthy its portion control on both of our parts so last night after I kicked my own tail at the gym I went home to a fully cooked delicious meal, spaghetti. I'm pretty certain what made it so darn good was the fact that I didn't make it. Josh had the table set, bread in the oven and the main course completely done when I walked in the door. So day 1 of this whole eating lighter thing. I can promise you I will eat what I want to eat but I did make my plate on one of Addi's plates & surprisingly enough I was full after much smaller portion than I am used to. I won't even begin to describe Josh's heaping plate. With all the death I faced in 2008 I worry about the years to come. Not because I don't believe just more selfishness. I want to grow old & wrinkly with the love of my life, I want to watch him walk our daughter down the aisle, I want us both there to welcome grandchildren into our lives so I tend to worry when it comes to our health. I just think we both could live healthier lifestyles & I kind of feel that we owe that to each other & to Addi & one's to come.
Mostly I want to be a better Christian. I know being a better Christian will allow me to be a better wife, mom & friend. I am learning to lean on God more & more in my life. To realize that this isn't a life I'm owed here, its a life I was given....and I'm not promised tomorrow. I know that my Addi isn't my Addi, she is His & its my job to teach her about Him. I do love that in the car I can look back at her, hands clasped & lots of mumbling going on....I can make out momma, dadda, yaya, papaw, mammy, eli, anne....and down the list she goes to AMEN. It seriously brings a tear to my eye. Although she doesn't fully understand what she is doing yet I do believe she knows its out of love. My relationship with God is forever changed because of his gift to us, I honestly can not describe the love in my heart for him. I am learning that its ok to be imperfect, it makes me who I am & shows me who I want to be.
So the new year is here......so many things to come. It's the last year I'll have in my 20's & although I thought I might feel differently I can't wait to see what my 30's have in store for me (um...remind me I said that in 1 yr, 1 month and 5 days!!), Josh & I will travel to D.C. together this year, I'll visit NY for the first time ever, more family vacations, my girl will be 2 even if terrible 2's are already here! I'll continue to fight cancer with a vengence & hope that you fight for something too. Whatever it is fight with all you have! I hope to make many new friendships & cherish the one's going on 15 years or more. Whatever life brings you this year I hope that I'm there to share it with you!

I end today with a simple verse from Proverbs 8

"Whoever finds me finds LIFE."