Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Perfection or Pressure?

I must say I am writing a bit heavy hearted today so I'll start by asking for a prayer. I mean seriously, its Christmas. We had a wonderful evening last night with Grammy & Papaw & the Coffelts for our Christmas and yet I still find myself waking up so sad today. As a mom, a wife, a friend, a daughter I've come to realize that I put an enormous amount of pressure on myself. (Don't most of us mom's?) I whole heartedly don't think this pressure comes from striving for perfection because in all honesty I do know I'm far from perfect and in reality I know I never will be nor do I want to be. I do however strive to do things the best I can. I probably try to do more for others than I should, and even typing that sounds wrong. How can you do too much for others? Anyway....as I sit here today, a big kid when it comes to Christmas - the family time I look so forward to, knowing Jesus Christ died for me, I'm having such a heavy heart because I made a mistake....a costly mistake and it makes me feel like such a failure as a mom & wife. I have this weight on my heart & so badly want to be able to smile and really feel happy, something that I really typically have no problem with. I feel like I'm at a loss for words (very rare) & this is just not a feeling I'm used to having so I just come to you, my blogger friends, to ask for a prayer...please just pray for Josh, Addi & I as we travel today to spend Christmas with my family in Knoxville and I can get out of this funk. I've been so excited about this time and I'm having just a bit of a tough time this morning. Merry Christmas!

4 comments:

Amanda O'Rear said...

I am praying for you...and Andi...striving for perfection..that is my weakness. It isn't something we can accomplish...we just aren't made to be perfect...we are however...in a way...made to strive for it. As Christians..aren't we always striving to do what is necessary for eternal life with Christ? I am not sure what is going on...but you are a great person...and I am sure it will all work out. You honestly, like I have said before, someone I would love to get to know more. You are always putting yourself out there for others. I wish I could do more of that. I find myself so worn down from things in life that I often times don't have anything to offer...or do I? You know...it's something I am working on. There is always something I can give of myself..I am just trying to find the who, what, whens, and where of it all...if that makes sense? I hope you and yours had a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!! If you ever need anything, please let me know. I know I am not who you usually would come to...but if you ever need anything...I am here. I have just started to put my family and really close friends where they need to be...I am always open to new friends and becomming closer to people...but this past year has just forced me to throw all the hooplaw (however you spell that) out the window and focus on what really matters! I am writing you a book...I'll stop! Safe Travels!
Much Love & God Bless!

The Messer Family said...

Merry Christmas, Andi. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I understand on a smaller scale exactly what you are talking about in striving to be something that really seems impossible. Hang in there, girl. God Belss you and your family!!!!

Christy C Beach said...

Feel so sad when I read this. You must call me and talk. I am so worried now. I love you! We all make mistakes--that is why God is so big. His strength is made perfect in our weekness. If we could do it all right ourselves, why would we need him?
You know it could just be "mommy guilt" You know we always talk about that. I will pray for you. Pinky swear.

YaYa said...

Sweetheart, this is not your first mistake nor will it be your last. And if this brings you and Josh even closer, be thankful for it. All is well, and remember, God knows your needs before you do!